Shake It Out
by sarahturner.x
Summary: My name is Bella Swan. Don't call me Isabella. It's about time I share what little my life has peaked to in the 19 years I have been living...
1. Disclaimer

I don't own this stuff.  
I wish I did…  
But I don't.


	2. Prologue

Shake It Out.

Prologue

* * *

**Regrets collect like old friends**

**Here to relive your darkest moments**

**I can see no way, I can see no way**

**And all of the ghouls come out to play**

_Shake It Out – Florence and the Machine_

* * *

Regrets build up over time.

Up an up and up…

Then boom goes the dynamite.

You realize you have no time left to get what you needed done.

And there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.

Growing up is fun, until you lose all you friends.

Moving out is fun, until you're alone.

Silence is great, until you realize it's because your roommate is off with her boyfriend.

All you want to do is cry, but you won't because you are strong and you need to be strong.

But don't worry, someone will come for you one day and make it all better…

I think.


	3. Chapter 1

_Shake it Out._

_Chapter 1_

_Story Time._

**And every demon wants his pound of flesh**

**But I like to keep some things to myself**

**I like to keep my issues drawn**

**It's always darkest before the dawn**

* * *

I've never been a confident person.

That's not much of surprise, considering no one really is, unless you are a stuck up bitch… like Lauren. She was the popular blonde thing, with the tiny waist and the boyfriend in college. He dumped her over a text message and she was a wreck for a long time… then she found another asshole boyfriend and all was good in the hood.

I'm not really able to express myself fully.

Don't get me wrong though, I'll say what needs saying like the time I fought a priest about same sex marriage. One of my only great moments admittedly.

And I absolutely _suck_ at relationships.

My longest relationship with a guy was 4 months and that was not a blasty blast in the slightest. Mike was clingy and told me he was in love with me after a week, then after I broke it off with him in April he cried and called me telling me it wasn't over. But it's definitely was… Friendship is the same deal. Except without the romance, and that a few of stay. Like Alice, though certainly we lost touch for a while, she was my only friend through a tough time. Jessica never actually cared, she only was concerned for her own popularity. When the whole 'I made out with your brother Angela,' and then 'Bella you blogged about him on the Internet so fuck you.' she was my "friend" when Angela wasn't around, and then could give me the time of day when she was around. I admit, I did do something wrong, there is no doubt about that. I was an idiot, and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about what I did and don't regret it. It's hard seeing everyone leave you and look like you don't care about it.

So the moral of this story is that I'm a normal girl with problems all her own, just like every other girl. The thing is, is that I'm scared I may be developing bulimia. So thumbs up… and I think my mom hates me, but what girl doesn't think that? Except she called me a cunt, pushed me into a wall, and told me she was excited for me to leave. Renee raised me right, and I am a good person, but in my older years, we have gotten into many fights and with my dad living elsewhere it's kind of hard.

So here I am, going to Seattle for schooling as an English major, not to teach kids… I hate kids. I want to be a publisher, to see a book I published on the shelf and think, 'I put that on a shelf, and people can come enjoy it just as much as I did.' Books are an escape, there is nothing like them. The first thing I do with a new book… Smell it. You can almost smell the feeling of the story you are about to read… But I advise you… don't go smelling the screen because this story, is first off, on a computer screen. And secondly, it this story did have a smell… it would be pretty stale to be brutally honest.

* * *

Short I know... but i swear the next chapter coming up will be longer,

Keep reading and review, please.


	4. Chapter 2

Shake It Out

Chapter 2

I've Forgotten Where I'm Going.

**And I've been a fool and I've been blind**

**I can never leave the past behind**

**I can see no way, I can see no way**

**I'm always dragging that horse around**

* * *

I should probably let you know right now at this point on my life I feel like I discovered that I am going the wrong way, and sneakily "check" my cell phone and walk the other way. Let me explain… you know like how you imagine yourself walking through life, choosing paths, the high or the low, where you want to go in your life? Well I feel like I'm going the wrong way and slowly but surely it's just going to get worse.

\/\/\/

Day one at university… I walk into the large intimidating school campus and look around. It's a good thing I came early and found the rooms where my classes are… I would have gotten completely lost otherwise. I walk straight to my first classroom, despite looking for my classes days before I still come 20 minutes early, and wait. I'm so nervous I'm shaking like a motherfucking leaf. I've never been good at being on my own, so I don't really want to walk into the room and have to sit beside a complete stranger. So when I see people start to walk out of PE275, my hands start to shake, curl into myself, and look down to the ground so no one can see how terrified I am. Slowly but surely, the large group of people begins to move toward the door.

"So, you nervous?"

I look up and see that someone is actually talking to me. She has long dark brown hair. She's beautiful… I hate her.

"Can you tell?" I laugh nervously, "Yeah, it's my first year and this to me is terrifying as compared to my small town school."

She stared at me, and I knew she just wanted a yes or no answer but I'm nervous and when I'm nervous I tend to talk more and more. Laughing, she replies

"Yes I can tell. Well I'll see you later." She walks away and I discover that we are all in the room and holy balls, is it big. There are 15 rows of seats, 5 on each side, and 10 in the middle… so 20 times 15 equals holy fucking shit. I have never been good at math but I know that whatever that equals is large, and it scares me.

I walk all the way across the front feeling like everyone is staring directly at me, but they probably aren't, I'm not famous after all.

I then decide to sit on the edge, 5 rows up and nearest to the isle. I had no choice but to sit by two girls, who are beautiful, skinny, most likely are best friends and have boyfriends. Lucky assholes.

I muster up a smile, like I usually do for everyone I meet, for these girls just to be nice and not look like a bitch. They smile back,

"Hi there!" they chime cheerfully, "How are you?"

"Good, a little nervous." I laugh.

"Oh so you are a first year? Us too." The one girl gestures to her friend, "I'm Tasha, and this is Britney. Nice to meet you…"

I giggle in my head because I would never name my child those names, it just reminds me of white trash girl, or a ditsy blonde's name off of MTV cribs 'HEEEYYY, I'm Brett-naayyy' and 'Wassup gerrl, I'm Tashaaa.' I cringe at the very thought…

"I'm Bella. And yes, this is my first year. I'm very nervous because I don't really know anyone here."

"Oh! Well you totally know us now!"

Laughing I reply, "Well there we go! First day I know two new people, so far so good." Good god...

Just after that, the professor begins,

"Welcome to Anthropology 1000."

/\/\/\

After the day is done, I decide that I enjoy University, but it's still going to be a challenge. Luckily, I had a class with a girl that I know; , another gorgeous girl, with a douche bag boyfriend. She is also in my Anthropology class, which is good, so I don't have to sit with Tasha, and Britney. Honestly though, they probably would have forgotten, or just wouldn't have ended up sitting with me the next class day, so really it's a win-win situation.

At my small apartment with Rosalie we discuss our first days, she's a second year while I'm only a first, but we remained friend despite the one year difference. We are a lot alike, except she is a beautiful tall goddess, and I am a 5'7" average looking girl. She has a great boyfriend and has been with him since she was in grade 10. She always talks about how beautiful Emmett is and how amazing he is, and how considerate he is, when he isn't being a douche. She is convinced that she is going to marry this guy but I don't know, I just think being I that serious of a relationship, especially during what is supposed to be the time of your life, is really stupid. You're supposed to be "wild and free", as the saying goes, during university, not tied down in a relationship. Not to sat that if you are in a relationship that it is a hassle, I sure as hell want a boyfriend no doubt about that, but I'm happy I have the freedom to flirt with whomever I want to. If I find a guy that I want to date, I will… And that's all I have to say about that.

Lately with graduating, everything changing, losing friends, and my mother being a total bitch, I've been in kind of a slump. I think I'll be fine though. At least I hope I am because that would suck, not having fun in your first year of University. Being all mopey, and whatnot… Funny thing is, is that I probably wouldn't even immerse myself in homework, I'd probably sit by myself in my room on tumblr, and pinterest just to pass the time instead of doing an essay that is due on that Friday. Wouldn't that be silly.


End file.
